Past Life

I had another life once.. I believe that you did too, but maybe you don't like to think like that! Some are only on their first life. This bears an interesting and fucked up subject, it makes you go in and out of your head and you end up a little bit more weird then before, like in a recipe, you fold in the flour and hey presto you have another life! But how did we get here in the first place? I don't believe in religion so something else got us here first but what?! Atoms and fire my arse! I've had three life's and I'm well aware of them. Not happy with them, but hey life isn't that simple. This life is a bit more straight forward then the other two, which I'm very glad about. People don't want to believe any more In dreams or how children see the world and how they have these amazing imaginations. I'm always a child at heart. Peter Pan I love you, you are epic. I'm never going to grow up, my kids will be dancing in the hills and wearing curtains like in The Sound of Music lala la The world is turning less and less real. Maybe this would be a good time to let go, back to the past and start again. For me I would be going home, my first home and that's somewhere that I miss. 'Home is the place that goes where you go Yet it welcomes you upon your return. Like a dog overjoyed at the door. We've missed you is what you hear no matter how long you've been gone'

Love

Love isn't holding on to life and waiting, love is there big and bold in your face. I love, My love smells of music when I wake up in the morning A drum beat that forever plays in my head Make me remember the most silliest moments that only we can know about. The cuteness in a voice which tells me that she is my one. Love helps for other things too like friends. An outburst of song and when you feel so much love for a friend that all you want to do is help them out, give them love so they too can feel again love in their hearts. Love when the world breaks and the sky falls in and the birds come to prey, like a Dillon poem resting on a cloud and dripping words onto a sunset To say 'I love you' and mean it with everything you feel is perfect to say 'You know I love you' is saying I can't be bothered now, for I cannot say the actual words and feel it. I believe you can love someone and not be compatible, like live with someone and love them on a lighter level as you would a friend but not quite a friend, a companion as they say. I guess this is good for older people as they need companionship. Sometimes you have to let go of love so that person can love someone else, you do not earn hearts or keep them in a cupboard and try out different ones that go with your outfit that day. This is foolish love. If you love like that you need to let go and if you have found love or it has come back to you because that heart couldn’t bear to be parted any longer, then hold it, keep it, cherish it like gold dust...

Sorry

Hell to Sorry, I'm always saying it!, comes out of my mouth like a quick spit, when you have been singing too much and that little bit of spit speeds out and lands on that human that is not even worthy of your sorry.

I usually say sorry to ease a argument, to take the blame,even when it ain't my fault! to brush away my sanity, for feeling embrassed or when I've bumped into somebody on the underground-that happened twice this morning! Sorry for coughing, sorry for walking, sorry for fucking breathing!! Sorry for saying I love you.

Sorry is sometimes the hardest word as Elton said. WHATEVER


'I'm so sorry to hear that' Now that aint so bad, yere your feeling bad for something that happened to that person, it's out of your hands, your space, you cannot touch that sorry, just send it out there. Thats a good sorry.

I would like to hear sorry from a few people, You know who you are and I'm sure a few of you reading this know who they are too! But I don't think I will sadly. Their sorry will come in the way of a word called karma.

So I'm sorry to all the people I hurt
I'm sorry for being somtimes in the wrong place at the wrong time and I'm sorry for my parents who brought me into this sorry world to live my life full of passion and have no regrets...

Sorry. :)

Ex's

Coffee, bread, cookies out of the oven, home made cakes, log burning fires, perfume you catch in a blink/washing powder on other people clothes.
But the smell of a ex,
stagment on your walls,
on your doors,
on your mind makes me feel sick, sick like a squashed rat on the underground,
like the smell of blood at the dentist as you wash out your mouth and spit.

I feel her eyes in my head and a hole she left as a scar, people tell you to be nice, to let go of your past.
Easy if your left with a clockwork orange smile and sparkley eyes
not so easy if your burnt out and your feeling rage for unanswered questions
that your never get
to know
ever

Who takes the friends
what friends take you in their arms
which ones stay laughing alongside her
who stays a friend
which ones talk
I know who stayed in my gang


Guess that's it then
Time to walk away
I'm warming to a hug to a honest next step
I'm too tired to open my mouth any longer or take the blame for things I have not done
Two sides to every story right?
Wrong this time..

Anger

God do I get angry lol. No really I do, you know those times when people just talk over you or your saying something really interesting and they change the subject just like that. That gets me right in my nose. Or like you have had a change in yourself and someone says the complete opposite or when your full of beans and someone says 'oh you look so tired' agggh just makes me wanna scream!

So I'm ranting. I'm allowed, I'm mean angry and pretty fed up, look like a bear and am gonna roar really loud. Ok maybe I'm not, maybe just a tad tired.

Angry can be good thou you know, when you have had a really good argument and the tension is high and you have both had enough and then you burst into a fit of passion and end up having the best sex throwing each other all over the place... Right?? lol I know you know what I'm talking about here.


Its best not to take your anger out on your sofa, that can get a little dangerous, too many pillows, feathers, hay fever attack!

I need music, loud when I'm angry, anything rock with a bite and mean lyrics, bulletproof vest kind of stuff. I'll blow my ears off and have a drink and then blow my ears off some more, take a walk or a swim. Exercise is great too when your angry, letting go in the rain and just running, just running, best feeling in the world.

Chance

Life is a chance.

We are all chance,here by chance, well I think so. If we are in a situation where we need to take that step forward, whats the thing that keeps pulling us back? Crossing a road when we shouldn't, sending a text just to see if she will text back right? taking that step to speak up for yourself in the office when someone is trying to put you down. Don't you find you wanna touch the wall and hope it disappears on touch, but do you ever get that close to actually touch it, to see, to feel what would happen?

No! Try it for a change, you never know what may happen..

When I take chances, I feel a tiny rush of wind creep up by back and into my tummy and then bang, it comes. I take the chance. We are all aware too much of the time about how it will affect the other person or afraid to look stupid or out of a comfort zone that everyone in London seems to be in. Don't you get those silly thoughts when your on the train in the morning like oo what would happen if I just sang right out loud or offered my sweets around or told the guy in the crappy suit to take a bath once in a while. I would love too, but I don't, again I have this forced feeling that I would melt into the floor or turn pink which when I think about it, is really stupid.

So what chances have I taken recently, mmm well I asked my best mates all about their sex lives in the car on the way back from Manchester to London. We hadn't crossed that subject the whole weekend, makes for an interesting subject I think.

I speak up to my ill sneezing balloon of a boss when I'm feeling brave which makes her turn a slight shade of pink when she can't answer, this makes me feel good to of taken a chance with my big mouth.

Sometimes it may not always be a good thing, it may break things, but sometimes to fix something, it has to be broken first and that's where you take the chance.

"Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do

Death

I just lost my uncle tonight, he was very old.Ninety eight in fact and as he lay in his hospital bed unable to see, he kept pointing at the ceiling. I told my auntie it was angels ready to help him make the journey into the light.

Not sure what everyone's view on the whole death issue is, I started reading The Tibetan book of the dead, interesting book,takes you through amazing journeys of meditations and how to prepare yourself in those few hours before you go. I guess most of you hope to go in your sleep, not with a pain or suddenly like the tube bombing in London, I question that alot, I'm faced with the article every morning in the metro as the relatives of the victims speak out. I think about that alot as I am too on the underground every day. Maybe that's too much of a morbid thought, but I gain some kind of strength every time I hear about another victim and who they were ect.

Death is a mad thing, eveytime I begin to think about it,I start to have a panic attack. There are people who have not got long to live and here I am being stupid, I know they would turn to me and slap me in the face. These people are happy, they may have regrets and wished they had more time, but they are happy.


Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings.
Sunward I've climbed and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of; wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hovering there
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air;
Up, up the long delirious burning blue
I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace,
Where never lark nor even eagle flew;
And while, with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high, untrespassed sanctity of space
Put out my hand and touched the face of 'God'


'A god as an energy in all of us, or whatever you believe to be god'

I watched the film Paranormal activity and yes I can say it prob could happen, but in all honestly if you want to believe it could, then your drawing on negative energy, yes I was freaked out by it and slept with the light on for a week after, but there is more good over bad stuff in that world

Don't get me wrong, we all like to be taken out of our comfort zone a bit and wizzed around, but its nice to come back to it finally again. The mind is a strange one. Its what we do with it that counts, and as long as we can be there for our loved ones and friends in times of need, when it comes to death we'll all be smiling.