Dyslexia plus me

So maybe I can't hear or speak or write or focus or contribute or be there or see your way or think like everyone expects. 

So I can't spell or pronounce or stand or smile when I'm supposed to. Or answer a question or that I look around for a answer.

But I'm here. I've done things that most could only grip with their teeth. I've shone  through. My friend C told me, that she was really proud of me for doing the films. I hadn't heard that from many.  It was a genuine  proud that I only feel from people I trust. 

I'm not doing stuff for self ego or whatever people wish to believe.

 I'm a creative hub, I speak in whispers and sometimes my brain is on auto melt down. Dyslexia is part of me and I can not explain my sudden lose of speech and sweat that trickles down from inside of me while people bombard me with questions that I'm only hearing the last word of.

My best friend is my support. She catches my words like a waterfall of words that I can't stream.

I'm at the start while your all at the finishing line. 

It hurts to hear critic when all I want to do is scream slow down. I know I'll never be the loud talker or will my words make sense to some. 

Maybe my films will be like donny darko. An endless mad maze of thoughts.

My poems awaken people, thankfully.

Bob Dylan won me radio and I'm in the 3rd book.

Dyslexia helped me get somewhere good.

Im not perfect and patience has slowed me down. Kindness has taken over a past I put away. 

But I'm alive. 

I'm a creative hub

I write and write and write and write 

And yes I have dyslexia.

But don't put me in a box and assume I know what I'm doing and what I'm writing and what I'm spelling and what line that sentence is supposed to go and how and what and why and now.

Cos I'm still learning too and 

I can still hear the silence of you 

And the laughing 

And somewhere in the distance I can hear my dad and C 

'Leah I'm so proud of you' 

And that matters

That's all that really matters in Leah's mad crazy world 

To me.

Film

I am obsessed with film. I just read the book 1000 films to move you. Love it, I was reading about so many different directors that I had heard of but didn't realise there true spirit and passionate ideas on story text and film. Then I listened to a podcast which I had missed going to the meeting in London but I was glued, listening is some amazing thing when you can't even see what's in front of you, just the sound of passionate people talking about film and putting there intrest out there. I can't see the ground for moving at the moment, I'm rarely off my laptop as I am marketing my film to the right people. I found out about tiers the other day, who knew about tiers with film! If you have a intresting story then your in with a chance of being accepted by tier 2, anything else then lower your self to tier 3 and never 4! Lovefilm now has a list, a long long list of obscure films I would prob never of got round to watching had I not read the book, bit I'm very excited to see them all. I like films that move me, I like films that tell a story that can make me cry that can give me relief anger and emotion that I just wanna sit on the edge of my seat. Captain Phillips now that's a film right..Got me all the way through I love classics too. The Red Shoes/ Brief Encounter/ The Elephant Man/Lord of the flies/Kes/Whatever happened to Baby Jane/The Hunter. Who makes films like that these days? What moves you, what grips you, what pulls you to the ground and takes you to the heart of the film, as if your living it too. I live my films. I walk it through the whole thing, I move my body and use my hands, I listen to music to write my scripts, to live the characters to feel, oh how to feel their insides and their desires. I've got one more short to make in my 3 part and then I have my baby, my feature to make. Its a 17 character cast, so big but so small on locations and I can't wait to make it. If you read this and feel that you wanna be part of a film, I wanna hear from you. I don't like 'actors' I like real people who wanna act or try it, this brings film to an amazing realism for me,takes people out of their comfort zone and throws them in the deep end which always results in an amazing performance. Lesbian films are too boring for me. Girl meets girl. I wanna show a real story, let it be a bit fucked up, let it be a bit out there and best of all let it tell a story, something that we can relate to and make us sit on the seat and dream and wonder what the hell is next... Sometimes just sometimes you just have to believe... www.youtube.com/dontstopbelievingfilm facebook.com/dontstopbelievingfilm twitter.com/dontstopbeli