Death

I just lost my uncle tonight, he was very old.Ninety eight in fact and as he lay in his hospital bed unable to see, he kept pointing at the ceiling. I told my auntie it was angels ready to help him make the journey into the light.

Not sure what everyone's view on the whole death issue is, I started reading The Tibetan book of the dead, interesting book,takes you through amazing journeys of meditations and how to prepare yourself in those few hours before you go. I guess most of you hope to go in your sleep, not with a pain or suddenly like the tube bombing in London, I question that alot, I'm faced with the article every morning in the metro as the relatives of the victims speak out. I think about that alot as I am too on the underground every day. Maybe that's too much of a morbid thought, but I gain some kind of strength every time I hear about another victim and who they were ect.

Death is a mad thing, eveytime I begin to think about it,I start to have a panic attack. There are people who have not got long to live and here I am being stupid, I know they would turn to me and slap me in the face. These people are happy, they may have regrets and wished they had more time, but they are happy.


Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings.
Sunward I've climbed and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of; wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hovering there
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air;
Up, up the long delirious burning blue
I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace,
Where never lark nor even eagle flew;
And while, with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high, untrespassed sanctity of space
Put out my hand and touched the face of 'God'


'A god as an energy in all of us, or whatever you believe to be god'

I watched the film Paranormal activity and yes I can say it prob could happen, but in all honestly if you want to believe it could, then your drawing on negative energy, yes I was freaked out by it and slept with the light on for a week after, but there is more good over bad stuff in that world

Don't get me wrong, we all like to be taken out of our comfort zone a bit and wizzed around, but its nice to come back to it finally again. The mind is a strange one. Its what we do with it that counts, and as long as we can be there for our loved ones and friends in times of need, when it comes to death we'll all be smiling.

Musical

Listen to Sweaty Eddies voice and your understand that a muscial is now in a class of its own. We are talking Sister Act here. I've seen it three times and not once has it let me down.
By the end I feel like I've been in a film, with the wonderful set that moves from a convent to a side street.

I love musicals and now they are becoming more and more popular with the whole film to stage thing going on. Look at 'Ghost' for example coming to London next year We're hiring more and more fab talent in fact I don't think audiences would settle for anything less, that would defo be a walk out if someone sang just a tad off.

Flashdance comes as Sister Act will be taking off to America :( But I've seen Flashdance five times and will be seeing it again for the sixth time in Nov! I am very excited that they have Victoria playing the lead again, she helped me come out, I saw her and boom, I danced I sang, I moved my body in ways I did not know, I was letting go finally and becoming the person I had hidden for such a long time. This was my coming out moment, it helped me release a desire for dance too. My mate Becks can lighten you on that subject. She has seen me dance to maniac!

But are we pushing the oldies out, do you think audiences will still want to see old time musicals, ones that few people have heard of,the music hall days or are we pushing more and more for new music. I hope not, we need to preserve and share for future generations the old stuff too.

Please comment and let me know what your fave musical is..

'I don't need a spotlight, I don't need a crowd, I don't need the great wide world to shout my name out loud. Don't need fame or fortune, nice as those things are, I've got all I need, to make me feel like I'm a star.

I've got my sisters by my side, I've got my sisters love and pride and in my sisters eyes I recognize, the star I want to be. And with my sisters standing strong, I'm on the stage where I belong, and nothin's ever gonna change that fact.

I'm part of one terrific Sister Act' :)

The beginning of something good

Here we are folks in Sept, when wearing chunky jumpers and walking over the heath in Hampstead and stopping for hot choc makes me feel all nice inside, even nicer when your doing it with a friend or partner talking about the nice things to come in the autumn months.

I am very much looking forward to Thanksgiving, I'm not religious in any way, but the joys of making fresh corn bread and pumpkin pie and sitting round a table with friends and sharing food and good times really make me feel great. Then we have Halloween and bonfire night. love it , love it , love it.

But before all that cold weather starts to hit, I am off to Spain for that last bit of sunshine, there is something v nice too about jetting off just before the cold comes and also after Christmas when it hits us worse. I would love to just be somewhere hot from Jan onwards for 6 months and then come back for Easter and all for the nice blooms.


I've just involved myself in a charity for Supporting Victims of "Corrective Rape" in south Africa and while I write this my friend Becky has gone out to join Ndumie in her township and talk with her and give her some provisions. I'm extremely grateful for her doing this and just from reading about Ndumie in The Observer and then emailing her, we are now moving forward in helping her raise money. I'm so pleased this has happened so quickly. I am also designing a t-shirt for her and will be donating all funds to the charity. Please keep your eyes peeled on the fb page and the website.

http://www.lulekisizwe.com

So take a deep breath or say a prayer, throw away your shit that's been stuck inside for so long and let go...

Happy Autumn people.

Italy-Peace, Love and all that jazz

I just came back from a wonderful holiday in Italy where I spent two lovely weeks with one of my friends at her and her boyfriends house in the hills.

No lezzes for miles, in fact no lesbians atall. I found it rather freeing being with straight peple for that long, I say it as thou they are a complte different specis, so if you are straight reading this, remember you are an alien to me!

What was I going to do with no Pink screaming out of the car, instead it was SeaSick Steve and Sheryl Crow. One night I did actually hear a Pink song and joyfully skipped down the steps of the house for dinner hehe.

Anyway we went for a drive one night to the graveyard to freak ourselves out, ahem, I was slightly freaked when I saw a real looking statue, I was happy to get back in the car! We returned a few days later in the day time and went into the graveyard, this time I lost Becky my friend, and started sweating profoundly, did find her in end, wasn'nt a pleasent moment I can tell you.

I ate my way through Italy and had meals made by top chefs, drank some of the best wines and swam in the warmest waters and cold too.

It was so peaceful where I stayed and spent most days in the hammock with my book and ipod and one day we spent at a pool in the hills on an organic farm, it was so slient, you could hear a pin drop. From sitting at the kitchen table and feeling like I was in a 40's film without tv or internet, just good old chat, I learnt about the ways of children and the highs and lows of love and most of all. I bulit a solid friendship for life.

All the Jazz- Part 2

Friends.


I'm dancing to the delights of friendship at the mo
and love peace and room service!

When I lay under that rain cloud yesterday in the park
I felt sudden peace

I'm not sure if it was the wine or the lemon flavoured crisps
or the fact there was a lady watching me from behind, wanting my head

An assassin on the loose.

I've just been through a massive mess and
now its the calm after the storm

Its good to talk, even shout at the sky
thou watch out for the bird shit

My friend said you can count your true friends on one hand, it made me think how many other friends we have and are they real or just there for our ride, to make us feel good or make us look good, to make us laugh? What do we have all these other friends for, if we can count only the true ones on one hand?

The Carousel of a friend

Lights go on at night and I see my friend's
face reflect going around and around
on my own carousel
There is a horse with pink ribbons
and one with the biggest ears
One has his tongue out
playing fool with the crowd
One seems shy
and one that looks like it could do with a drink
One looks likes it's about to cry
and would happily share its tears for a bit of joy
Different characters, different personalities
always looking and helping you out
in times of need
telling you to get a grip stopping the tide from coming in
but also to ride the waves
Life is too short to be cruel
Life is too short to be blue
But my life will never be short
when I know I have a friend like you.

LR(C) 2007


So think about all the friends you have on fb, do you make an effort and message all of them, cos if you don't, why are they on there??

Some of you have like 500 plus mates, can I ask why? Is this a status thing?

I'm sitting here looking at my fish, they are really good friends :)

Then I think I ate raw fish for the first time yesterday and it felt good -bad answer!

I know who my mates are- do you?

Nice cup of tea

Don't you love a good cup of tea?

Well I do!

Recently I have been finding interesting tea cafes/houses/shops whatever you wanna call them with my good friend Mary Poppins (she is the real Mary Poppins, may I also add, you only have to look in her bag)

So far this month and the end of last month, I have been to 'Pekoe' in Barnes, 'Maids of Honour' in Kew and all the way to Leatherhead to 'Annie's' tea rooms'

I'm even found a secret tea house where you don't know until the day before where you will be going, I like this very much.

Tea leaves are my fave, you get a much better taste and they always come in huge pots. I'm liking Lapsang at the mo, the smoky tea. And I like my tea in tea cups not mugs, but with saucers and milk in a jug, the proper English way.

I can't get enough of the sight of all the wonderful cakes they have on display delicately laid out balancing on tiny plates and the aroma of the scones with the berry compote and fresh cream...


mmmm makes me wanna scream!!


www.orangepekoeteas.com

www.theoriginalmaidsofhonour.co.uk

www.hiddentearoom.com --- shhhhh don't go telling everyone!

Supermarket

Over this weekend, I have decided that I love supermarkets. Being on my own in Asda with no one telling me to hurry up was absolute bliss.

The best bit of a supermarket is right at the end, you know when you are queueing up to buy your groceries. Well there I was standing and waiting fot the women in front of me to get a bloody move on and I noticed along each aisle was lonesome food that had been abandoned, yep products that people had put in their trolley and then only at the end had decided that no, they won't be wanting that jar of thick peanut butter or that Danielle Steel 'By my side book'(Why would you wanna read that trash?) eggs, DVDs, packets of biscuits some little kid had slipped in without mum knowing! It was fascinating, every aisle had something left. They even had a guy come round to collect all the unwanted products. I bet he goes back to a little room and sits there surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of unwanted items and eats.

There will be a photo exbit soon, called Unwanted I bet.

Seeds, I couldn't buy my seeds for my smoothie. Apparently its now a off the shelf product, another unwanted item for the pile. Something wrong with the seeds the lady kept telling me, like I didn't hear in the first place!
Personally I don't think their is anything wrong with the seeds, seeds are seeds!

I picked up a queen of hearts t-shirt for 6 pounds, and then I put it back.

All that jazz- Part 1

Is it me, or is everyone a lesbo these days?
Don't get me wrong, I fact love being gay and defo would never and I know never say never, but me would not go back to being with a man again. Why? Why you ask- give up an emotional crying period month when your other half screams at you and calls you everything and then they get the same treatment pref not at the same time or time of month, that would be just a little crazy. Any one's gf have it at the same time? That must be harsh, be like living with two chickens for a week. mm what else would I have to give up? Hugs all thought the day, kisses like your sitting in the stars, toilets- I love being able to go to the loos with girls, that is a blessing, especially when you want a private snog in the club, not sure about some loos thou, like the ones at petrol garages, mmm or ones at Pride, think I'd rather get it on in the bushes!

Anyway where was I! Yes I came out just over a year ago and haven't looked back. I have been through my fair share of ups and downs- blog no 2 will be all about that! Feels like another life, like being born again, I guess we have all felt that after coming out?! Anyone have any strange/mad coming out stories? My family were v cool, didn't have any problems with opening up thank goodness. But I do hate it when I hear Oh its just a phrase, as if- stupid stupid people.

Anyone dance? I'm really into dancing, not many gay clubs around it dance classes, I know there is a salsa class in Kings Cross, anyone been? I got chatted up by the women who runs it on gaydar ages ago, I'm afraid I will get my feet tangled and get in a mess on the floor, but I will give it a go.
I won't give shark diving a go thou, One of my friends will be doing just that in South Africa in Sept. Good luck to her I say. I'm just building up the courage to get a tattoo.