Christmas

This year I can't be bothered. I'm sat in my room looking at my pressies I have to wrap and I'm like mm I'll put it off to another night. Usually I am full of beans and happy and organized and have everything wrapped by Christmas all under the tree waiting to be given out to friends popping by. But no I'm late this year, only half are wrapped and the other half I can't be bothered. I would like a Santa's little helper?! Anyone like to volunteer their services to me?! Instead of helping at The Big Issue or Shelter there could be a idea here maybe? no? Ok lol I can't be bothered to cook either, not that I'm doing the dinner this year, I'll be at my brothers, but cakes/pies/cookies. I like to make these and now I can't be asked, Santa wont be too pleased come Christmas morning when he pops through my TV set like a ghost and noses my fridge, cos Santa that won't be anything there, nothing, not even a carrot. On another note, I hate greed at Christmas, all these kids that have everything already and they still want more. pure greed,I want to be able to give to all the kids that don't have anything, if I had loads of money I would :) Don't get me on the subject of crowds too cos I have to lollipop my way from the bread aisle to the booze aisle, its like trying to doge a swarm of food flies all fighting to get through air space. took me nearly a whole 5 minutes trying to doge a old lady and a kid just to reach the white baps on the top shelf! I feel like I'm turning into a Scrooge, bah humbug and hating Christmas. I love that film version with Albert Finney and all those songs and I love Bob Cratchit. He's my favourite character cos he is so kind and loving and he makes you realise you don't need tons of money to have a good Christmas. Just friends and family and some laughs Some people just need reminding of that sometimes, That's the spirit of Christmas..

Past Life

I had another life once.. I believe that you did too, but maybe you don't like to think like that! Some are only on their first life. This bears an interesting and fucked up subject, it makes you go in and out of your head and you end up a little bit more weird then before, like in a recipe, you fold in the flour and hey presto you have another life! But how did we get here in the first place? I don't believe in religion so something else got us here first but what?! Atoms and fire my arse! I've had three life's and I'm well aware of them. Not happy with them, but hey life isn't that simple. This life is a bit more straight forward then the other two, which I'm very glad about. People don't want to believe any more In dreams or how children see the world and how they have these amazing imaginations. I'm always a child at heart. Peter Pan I love you, you are epic. I'm never going to grow up, my kids will be dancing in the hills and wearing curtains like in The Sound of Music lala la The world is turning less and less real. Maybe this would be a good time to let go, back to the past and start again. For me I would be going home, my first home and that's somewhere that I miss. 'Home is the place that goes where you go Yet it welcomes you upon your return. Like a dog overjoyed at the door. We've missed you is what you hear no matter how long you've been gone'

Love

Love isn't holding on to life and waiting, love is there big and bold in your face. I love, My love smells of music when I wake up in the morning A drum beat that forever plays in my head Make me remember the most silliest moments that only we can know about. The cuteness in a voice which tells me that she is my one. Love helps for other things too like friends. An outburst of song and when you feel so much love for a friend that all you want to do is help them out, give them love so they too can feel again love in their hearts. Love when the world breaks and the sky falls in and the birds come to prey, like a Dillon poem resting on a cloud and dripping words onto a sunset To say 'I love you' and mean it with everything you feel is perfect to say 'You know I love you' is saying I can't be bothered now, for I cannot say the actual words and feel it. I believe you can love someone and not be compatible, like live with someone and love them on a lighter level as you would a friend but not quite a friend, a companion as they say. I guess this is good for older people as they need companionship. Sometimes you have to let go of love so that person can love someone else, you do not earn hearts or keep them in a cupboard and try out different ones that go with your outfit that day. This is foolish love. If you love like that you need to let go and if you have found love or it has come back to you because that heart couldn’t bear to be parted any longer, then hold it, keep it, cherish it like gold dust...

Sorry

Hell to Sorry, I'm always saying it!, comes out of my mouth like a quick spit, when you have been singing too much and that little bit of spit speeds out and lands on that human that is not even worthy of your sorry.

I usually say sorry to ease a argument, to take the blame,even when it ain't my fault! to brush away my sanity, for feeling embrassed or when I've bumped into somebody on the underground-that happened twice this morning! Sorry for coughing, sorry for walking, sorry for fucking breathing!! Sorry for saying I love you.

Sorry is sometimes the hardest word as Elton said. WHATEVER


'I'm so sorry to hear that' Now that aint so bad, yere your feeling bad for something that happened to that person, it's out of your hands, your space, you cannot touch that sorry, just send it out there. Thats a good sorry.

I would like to hear sorry from a few people, You know who you are and I'm sure a few of you reading this know who they are too! But I don't think I will sadly. Their sorry will come in the way of a word called karma.

So I'm sorry to all the people I hurt
I'm sorry for being somtimes in the wrong place at the wrong time and I'm sorry for my parents who brought me into this sorry world to live my life full of passion and have no regrets...

Sorry. :)

Ex's

Coffee, bread, cookies out of the oven, home made cakes, log burning fires, perfume you catch in a blink/washing powder on other people clothes.
But the smell of a ex,
stagment on your walls,
on your doors,
on your mind makes me feel sick, sick like a squashed rat on the underground,
like the smell of blood at the dentist as you wash out your mouth and spit.

I feel her eyes in my head and a hole she left as a scar, people tell you to be nice, to let go of your past.
Easy if your left with a clockwork orange smile and sparkley eyes
not so easy if your burnt out and your feeling rage for unanswered questions
that your never get
to know
ever

Who takes the friends
what friends take you in their arms
which ones stay laughing alongside her
who stays a friend
which ones talk
I know who stayed in my gang


Guess that's it then
Time to walk away
I'm warming to a hug to a honest next step
I'm too tired to open my mouth any longer or take the blame for things I have not done
Two sides to every story right?
Wrong this time..