Moving

So stress hey! That's me at the mo. 

I think I've shrunk a few sizes down, beginning to look like a whale and my face is full of spots. Lol only joking. 

But really I'm moving house. I haven't moved house for over ten years. !! I only have 2 boxes so far and not sure when I'm gonna start or how I start! 

G I have been in my flat yonks, I've had some great times here. Party's and drunk fests and dinners and upset fests and crap times but most times I've enjoyed it all. Walking around naked. Not doing the washing up, walking into the bathroom door in the middle of the night. And today actually forgetting the code to get in downstairs! It went right out of my head. I  couldn't believe it. I had to ask the porter to let me back in, v embarrassed lol

I've enjoyed the people and the seasons and the snow  and my neighbours when I first moved in, 2 gay guys who took me on the gay scene and I kissed a gal for the first time! Good memories. Shouting out of windows when people have forgotten something or needs throwing too. Filming twice for 2 films, Spiders in corners and orbs over the sofa ! Voices and footsteps and long baths with some people too ;) getting the front door stuck on my 33rd bday and having my my mate have to climb In between doors to squeeze in and open.

I've left bottles of wine for people upstairs to say sorry for being loud. But I'm loud still. And I love it. Playing my piano at 4am in the morning after being out on the town with mates and having an early morning jam session. Priceless

I will miss my secret park, but I'm coming back next summer to it to have a picnic, it's one of the nicest parks in the whole world and no one is ever there. I always like to get lost in it.

I've had so many people from all over the world stay here too. From Brazil to Hong Kong to LA to Florida. 

Musicians and rock stars and sports people, creative designers and naked lesbians!! To Jesus saves fans and the odd nutters. All their energies have stayed and smelled and sweated haha

This week I have my last ever guests from Chicago. 4 air hosts) 3 whom have never been to London before. 

And that's it no more until who ever decides to let my flat.   

I'm moving to another flat  

The new flat is epic thou so makes for an epic new beginning :)

just got to unpack first! 

Comfort

Cheese, um cheese and a bit more cheese with some onion relish maybe or cheese and potatoes and bacon and more cheese. mmm Comfort food. What is comfort? Music listening and a cup of milky coffee? You know today I was in the supermarket checking out the world food section as you do! I was after a drink, didn't fancy coke or water BORING. So I picked up juice- coconut and pineapple, can't go wrong with a baby pina right?! Wow oh wow, I was hit with a cloud of beaches somewhere hot and the taste took me to paradise, no really, I was walking back to the car with my mum and I suddenly felt like I was 4 again drinking out of my beaker of juice. It was my comfort moment. Its was pure bliss, I didn't want the moment to end. I wanted to experience it again and again. Hugging is comfort, you cant go wrong with a hug no matter how your feeling. Hugs can stop everything, apart from needing the loo, unless that's a new thing and you take the hug to the toilet too?! hot water bottles under the duvet right? heated seats in the car on a bloody freezing day clothes that feel so good you want to sleep in knowing that things are so good that's just comfort right. Comfort is a great mattress you wanna stay tucked in on a Monday morning when you have the day off and everyone else is at work. I find so much comfort in finding a drink that suits me like the above and Elderflower bubbly. Again I was with my mum the first time I tried that, it was like the bottle attached itself to me lol. Maybe I should buy myself a beaker. My sister in law uses one in the shower to drink her tea out of, That's cool. I want one in my hand bag, on the train! Comfort is knowing you have good friends that you can rely on,who will laugh at you for the fact that you can feel 4 sometimes! Oh and I love being inside watching the rain and being all wrapped up while everyone is getting wet, that's comfort. hot chocolate, walking in the park holding hands... Right I need to get my mum to add that drink to her shopping list. mummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

V

So I guess your thinking what the hell is V?! Thou I'm sure some of you may know! You betcha, I want some right now, I want to run in fields and the rain to fall on me in my bedroom lol. Um I'm just going to wake up! Vampires we love em right? We want to be them right?! I looked up some weird out there stuff as we all know there is weird stuff on the web, but I went a bit deeper and rooted for some info and I found out things that would blow your head off, bigger then illimani and all. There is a new channel on vampires, a community, a bloody community of them that live breathe lol and feed. That's not what I found by the way, what I found well that's a secret! So we've seen the films ,we've read the books, we've eaten the raw meat and drank the blood (not personally I have to add on that last note) and now what, more vampire films and more vampire dramas, soon we will be able to be a vampire 3D !! I went to a vampire bar once in Spain, was on the beach front with my bro in tow and was ace, big tank of snakes (oh how I hate snakes!) they were feeding the snakes live mice, lovely. Was dark in there and they were serving strange drinks too, I think that's when I decided I wanted to be a vampire too lol. Actually I remember and this is a true story I have to add that when I was around 7 or 8, I was on holiday with my parents in France and I was having a ball in the pool. I remember standing up after messing around and everyone in the pool got out and at first I hadn't realised but after a while I looked up to see a women, probably around the age of 16 staring at me, she came into the pool (ok I realize this sounds way dodgey but its not!) anyway she stood there and she stared at me and around the pool seemed like a crowd of her mates. I wasn't scared or anything, she never said anything she just stood there and stared at me,I felt cold and like I had been possessed for like 5 min or so, looking back I remember that stare and being drawn in so well and the girl. She was no way human. I knew I had just encountered my first vampire! After that I'm sure I had seen her again a few times on my travels, like glimpses. Your probably thinking no way? Am I right? I thought so, I'd like to dismiss that image and that incident, but I can never forget it... Apparently there is a vampire that lives in Highgate cemetery in London. I haven't seen that vampire yet... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highgate_Vampire

Christmas

This year I can't be bothered. I'm sat in my room looking at my pressies I have to wrap and I'm like mm I'll put it off to another night. Usually I am full of beans and happy and organized and have everything wrapped by Christmas all under the tree waiting to be given out to friends popping by. But no I'm late this year, only half are wrapped and the other half I can't be bothered. I would like a Santa's little helper?! Anyone like to volunteer their services to me?! Instead of helping at The Big Issue or Shelter there could be a idea here maybe? no? Ok lol I can't be bothered to cook either, not that I'm doing the dinner this year, I'll be at my brothers, but cakes/pies/cookies. I like to make these and now I can't be asked, Santa wont be too pleased come Christmas morning when he pops through my TV set like a ghost and noses my fridge, cos Santa that won't be anything there, nothing, not even a carrot. On another note, I hate greed at Christmas, all these kids that have everything already and they still want more. pure greed,I want to be able to give to all the kids that don't have anything, if I had loads of money I would :) Don't get me on the subject of crowds too cos I have to lollipop my way from the bread aisle to the booze aisle, its like trying to doge a swarm of food flies all fighting to get through air space. took me nearly a whole 5 minutes trying to doge a old lady and a kid just to reach the white baps on the top shelf! I feel like I'm turning into a Scrooge, bah humbug and hating Christmas. I love that film version with Albert Finney and all those songs and I love Bob Cratchit. He's my favourite character cos he is so kind and loving and he makes you realise you don't need tons of money to have a good Christmas. Just friends and family and some laughs Some people just need reminding of that sometimes, That's the spirit of Christmas..

Past Life

I had another life once.. I believe that you did too, but maybe you don't like to think like that! Some are only on their first life. This bears an interesting and fucked up subject, it makes you go in and out of your head and you end up a little bit more weird then before, like in a recipe, you fold in the flour and hey presto you have another life! But how did we get here in the first place? I don't believe in religion so something else got us here first but what?! Atoms and fire my arse! I've had three life's and I'm well aware of them. Not happy with them, but hey life isn't that simple. This life is a bit more straight forward then the other two, which I'm very glad about. People don't want to believe any more In dreams or how children see the world and how they have these amazing imaginations. I'm always a child at heart. Peter Pan I love you, you are epic. I'm never going to grow up, my kids will be dancing in the hills and wearing curtains like in The Sound of Music lala la The world is turning less and less real. Maybe this would be a good time to let go, back to the past and start again. For me I would be going home, my first home and that's somewhere that I miss. 'Home is the place that goes where you go Yet it welcomes you upon your return. Like a dog overjoyed at the door. We've missed you is what you hear no matter how long you've been gone'

Love

Love isn't holding on to life and waiting, love is there big and bold in your face. I love, My love smells of music when I wake up in the morning A drum beat that forever plays in my head Make me remember the most silliest moments that only we can know about. The cuteness in a voice which tells me that she is my one. Love helps for other things too like friends. An outburst of song and when you feel so much love for a friend that all you want to do is help them out, give them love so they too can feel again love in their hearts. Love when the world breaks and the sky falls in and the birds come to prey, like a Dillon poem resting on a cloud and dripping words onto a sunset To say 'I love you' and mean it with everything you feel is perfect to say 'You know I love you' is saying I can't be bothered now, for I cannot say the actual words and feel it. I believe you can love someone and not be compatible, like live with someone and love them on a lighter level as you would a friend but not quite a friend, a companion as they say. I guess this is good for older people as they need companionship. Sometimes you have to let go of love so that person can love someone else, you do not earn hearts or keep them in a cupboard and try out different ones that go with your outfit that day. This is foolish love. If you love like that you need to let go and if you have found love or it has come back to you because that heart couldn’t bear to be parted any longer, then hold it, keep it, cherish it like gold dust...

Sorry

Hell to Sorry, I'm always saying it!, comes out of my mouth like a quick spit, when you have been singing too much and that little bit of spit speeds out and lands on that human that is not even worthy of your sorry.

I usually say sorry to ease a argument, to take the blame,even when it ain't my fault! to brush away my sanity, for feeling embrassed or when I've bumped into somebody on the underground-that happened twice this morning! Sorry for coughing, sorry for walking, sorry for fucking breathing!! Sorry for saying I love you.

Sorry is sometimes the hardest word as Elton said. WHATEVER


'I'm so sorry to hear that' Now that aint so bad, yere your feeling bad for something that happened to that person, it's out of your hands, your space, you cannot touch that sorry, just send it out there. Thats a good sorry.

I would like to hear sorry from a few people, You know who you are and I'm sure a few of you reading this know who they are too! But I don't think I will sadly. Their sorry will come in the way of a word called karma.

So I'm sorry to all the people I hurt
I'm sorry for being somtimes in the wrong place at the wrong time and I'm sorry for my parents who brought me into this sorry world to live my life full of passion and have no regrets...

Sorry. :)